Your 40s Aren’t About Getting Smaller. They’re About Getting Stronger.

For a lot of women, something starts to shift in our 40s.

Maybe we care a little less about what everybody else thinks of our bodies. Thank goodness for that.

Maybe we're watching our parents or grandparents age and starting to think differently about what we want our own bodies to be able to do 20, 30, or 40 years from now.

Or maybe after decades of exercising to burn calories, lose weight, and make our bodies smaller, we're finally starting to ask a different question:

What if my goal isn't only to get smaller? What if I want to get stronger too?

I think that's a pretty powerful shift.

When Exercise Was Mostly About Burning Calories

I got active in my 20s, and there was a season of my life when I did a LOT of cardio.

I've trained for marathons. I've completed half Ironmans. And I actually like cardio. This is not me telling you to throw your running shoes in the trash.

But when I look back, I can see how closely exercise was connected to food and the size of my body.

If I went for a long run, I thought about how much I could eat because I had run.

If I finished a race, I thought, Well, I just did THAT. I can eat whatever I want.

I'd look at my watch to see how many calories I'd burned.

Exercise wasn't just movement. It was a way to earn food and control the size of my body.

And I don't think I'm unusual in that.

A lot of women in their 40s grew up with some version of the same message: exercise more, burn more calories, eat less, get smaller.

But my goals look very different now.

In My 40s, I Care a Lot More About Getting Strong

These days, I'm thinking a whole lot less about how many calories I burned during a workout.

I'm thinking about how strong I can get.

I'm thinking about what I want my body to be able to do when I'm 60, 70, 80—and yes, I'm planning on still going at 100.

I want to get myself up off the floor easily.

I want to carry heavy things.

I want to travel, hike, play, and do the things that make my life fun.

I want to pick up my grandkids someday.

I want to be able to take care of myself for as long as possible.

Suddenly, exercise isn't only about asking:

How can I make this body smaller?

It's also about asking:

How can I make this body stronger?

And I love that shift.

Because I'm not interested in spending the second half of my life constantly trying to take up less space.

You Can Want to Lose Weight AND Want to Get Stronger

Now, this doesn't mean you're wrong if you still want to lose weight.

You can want your clothes to fit differently.

You can want to lose body fat.

You can have body-composition goals.

And you can want to get stronger.

Those goals can exist together.

What I don't want is for the number on the scale to be the only way you know whether what you're doing is working.

What if you're lifting a weight today that you couldn't lift six months ago?

What if carrying groceries feels easier?

What if you're more confident picking up a heavier set of dumbbells?

What if you're building and maintaining muscle that will help you continue living the life you want to live years from now?

That counts too.

Actually, that counts for a whole lot.

You Already Know You “Should” Strength Train

If you're a woman over 40, you've probably heard about the importance of strength training approximately 47,000 times.

Especially if you've started learning about perimenopause.

You already know you're supposed to strength train.

That's usually not the problem.

The problem is:

Okay…but HOW?

Where do I start?

How heavy am I supposed to lift?

What exercises am I supposed to do?

What if I haven't strength trained in 15 years?

What if I walk into the gym and everybody else looks like they know exactly what they're doing?

That's where women get stuck.

Because strength training can feel like there's an entire world you need to understand before you're allowed to start.

Why Strength Training Can Feel So Much More Intimidating Than Cardio

Most of us feel like we know how to do cardio.

You can walk.

You can get on a treadmill.

You can ride a bike.

You don't have to stand there wondering whether you're holding the dumbbell correctly or whether you chose the right weight.

You don't have to stare at a machine thinking:

Why are there seven handles on this thing, and which one am I supposed to use?

Strength training can feel intimidating when you're new to it.

I know because I've been there.

When I started learning how to strength train in my 20s, I was nervous too.

I wondered whether people were looking at me.

I didn't automatically know what every machine did.

I definitely didn't magically know what weight I should choose.

I stared at those little pictures on the machines just like everybody else.

Today, I LOVE lifting weights. Put a barbell in front of me and I'm a happy girl.

But I didn't get here because one day I suddenly became confident enough to walk into the weight room.

I got confident because I kept doing it.

That's the part I really want you to hear:

You don't need confidence before you start. Starting is how you build confidence.

Stop Training the Woman You Used to Be

Maybe you're not completely new to strength training.

Maybe you used to lift.

I hear this from women all the time.

"I used to go to the gym all the time."

"I used to be so much stronger."

"I used to be able to..."

And sometimes I think that can make starting again even harder.

Because now you're comparing yourself to the woman you were 5, 10, or 20 years ago.

But I don't want you training the woman you used to be.

We're training the woman you are right now.

The body you have right now.

The schedule you have right now.

The strength you have right now.

Your life might include kids now. A demanding job. Aging parents. Practices, appointments, school schedules, and approximately 14 places everyone needs to be tonight.

Your life is different.

So your starting point gets to be different too.

And where you are right now is a perfectly good place to begin.

Strength Training Isn't About Being Afraid of Aging

As we move through our 40s, 50s, and beyond, maintaining muscle and supporting our bones become increasingly important.

And I like thinking about strength training this way:

I'm not exercising because I'm afraid of getting older. I'm training because I plan on getting older.

I plan on being here.

And I want to be strong while I'm here.

I want to be the 70-year-old who can pick things up.

I want to be the 80-year-old who can get herself up off the floor.

I want to keep doing the things that make my life fun.

What I do with my body now is part of taking care of that future version of me.

So Maybe Your 40s Need a New Goal

Maybe this season isn't about abandoning every goal you've ever had for your body.

Maybe you still want to lose weight.

Maybe you still want your jeans to fit differently.

That's okay.

But what if we add another goal?

Get stronger.

Instead of always asking:

Is this making me smaller?

Start asking:

Is this making me stronger?

That's a question I want more women in their 40s asking.

Don't Just Think About Strength Training—Start

And this is where I don't want you to finish reading this and think:

Okay, Michelle. You're right. I really should strength train.

Because that's exactly what I want us to stop doing.

I don't want you to keep thinking about strength training.

I want you to actually do it.

So if you're not strength training right now, here's your challenge:

Look at the next seven days and find two places where you can give yourself 10–20 minutes to strength train.

That's it.

Two appointments.

Put them on your calendar.

Don't wait to see whether you have time left over at the end of the day. Decide when you're going to do it now.

And I intentionally said 10–20 minutes because I don't want the thought that you need an hour keeping you from doing anything at all.

We're not trying to prove how fit you are.

We're practicing becoming someone who strength trains.

If you have dumbbells at home, use them.

If you've been paying for a gym membership you haven't used, go use it.

If you've had a beginner workout saved on Instagram for six months, pull it back out.

It doesn't have to be perfect.

It just needs to happen.

One More Question I Want You to Answer

Finish this sentence:

I want to be strong enough to __________.

Really think about your answer.

Maybe you want to carry your kids for as long as they'll let you.

Maybe you want to put your own suitcase in the overhead bin.

Maybe you want to hike on vacation.

Maybe you want to get off the floor without thinking twice about it.

Maybe you're picturing yourself 20 or 30 years from now and thinking about the kind of life you want to be living.

Write your answer down.

Because I want that reason to start becoming part of how you think about exercise.

And after your next strength workout, instead of immediately wondering:

How many calories did I burn?

Ask yourself:

What did I do today that future me will be glad I did?

Your 20s and 30s may have included a whole lot of trying to get smaller.

But your 40s can be about something else.

Your 40s can be about getting stronger.

And you don't have to feel ready before you begin.