I Know I Need to Lose Weight and Get Stronger…So Why Am I Not Doing It?

You know you should probably strength train.

You know protein is important.

You know you should move your body, get enough sleep, drink your water, and eat some fruits and vegetables.

And if you want to lose weight, you probably already know that some of your habits may need to change.

Most women in their 40s aren't walking around thinking:

Wait...vegetables are good for me?! Why has no one told me this?! 😂

We know.

In fact, if you're a woman in your late 30s, 40s, or 50s, you've probably been collecting health and weight-loss information for decades.

So maybe the problem isn't that you need more information.

Maybe there's a different question we need to ask:

Why do you actually want to do any of this?

And before you answer, “Because I want to be healthy,” I want you to go a little deeper.

Knowing What You Should Do Isn't Always Enough

I've been talking a lot more about strength training lately.

I can tell women all day long that maintaining muscle becomes important as we get older.

I can tell you to lift weights.

I can remind you that you want to be able to get off the floor.

And yes, I can tell you that someday you're going to want to get yourself off the toilet when you're 80. 😂

But apparently:

Michelle on Instagram said I need muscle for my old-lady body.

...isn't enough motivation to rearrange your schedule and pick up some dumbbells.

Shocking, I know.

The same thing happens with weight loss.

Your doctor might recommend losing weight. Your trainer might encourage you to strength train. Your Apple Watch tells you to stand up. Instagram tells you that you need 10,000 steps, more protein, eight hours of sleep, three strength workouts, enough fiber, plenty of water...

At some point you want to scream:

CAN EVERYONE STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO FOR FIVE MINUTES?

Because knowing that something is good for you doesn't necessarily make you want to do it.

Sometimes we haven't connected all those things we're supposed to do with a reason that actually matters to us.

Why Do You Want to Lose Weight?

Let's start there.

If losing weight is one of your goals, answer this:

Why do you want to lose weight?

Maybe your first answer is:

I want to be healthier.

Okay.

Why does being healthier matter to you?

Maybe it's:

I want to be healthy for my kids.

Great. But I'm going to be annoying and ask you again:

Why?

Yes, because you love your kids. Obviously. 😂

But what does being healthy for my kids actually mean to you?

Maybe you want enough energy to do things with them now.

Maybe you want to travel with them when they're adults.

Maybe you want to be an active grandma someday.

Maybe you want your daughter to see what it looks like for a woman to take care of herself without constantly dieting and hating her body.

Maybe you have a family history that scares you a little, and you want to do what you can to change your own path.

Suddenly, we're not talking about losing 30 pounds anymore.

We're talking about your life.

Your Reason Doesn't Have to Sound Impressive

There's something else I want you to know.

Your reason doesn't have to be deep, noble, or impressive enough to put on a motivational poster.

Maybe you want your clothes to fit differently.

You're allowed to want that.

Maybe you want to look in the mirror and feel better about what you see.

You're allowed to want that too.

Maybe you're tired of changing clothes four times before leaving the house.

Maybe you want someone to pull out a camera without your immediate reaction being:

Oh gosh. Don't get me in the picture.

Maybe you'd like to go on vacation and spend more time thinking about the vacation than analyzing what your body looks like in every picture.

Those things matter.

But even then, go another layer deeper.

If your answer is, “I want my clothes to fit better,” ask yourself why that matters.

Maybe you want getting dressed to feel easy again.

Maybe you don't want your body to be the first thing you think about every morning.

Maybe you're simply tired of feeling uncomfortable.

Now we're taking a number on the scale and connecting it to your actual life.

Why Do You Want to Get Stronger?

Now let's do the same thing with strength training.

Maybe you're thinking:

I really need to start strength training.

Why?

And don't tell me:

Because women need muscle after 40.

That's my answer. You can't steal it. 😂

What do YOU want to be strong for?

There was a time in my life when exercise was much more connected to calories.

How many calories did I burn?

How hard did I work?

How much did I sweat?

Now I'm thinking much further down the road.

I want to travel.

I want to carry my own stuff.

I want to get down on the floor and get myself back up.

I want to keep lifting heavy things.

And yes, I really do want to get myself off the toilet when I'm 80.

Independence matters to me. Being physically capable matters to me.

I've watched people stop doing things and eventually lose the ability to do those things. I want to keep doing things for as long as I possibly can.

That's very different from somebody simply telling me:

Women over 40 should strength train.

One is information.

The other is my life.

Maybe you've watched one of your parents lose strength, and it scared you.

Maybe you want to play with your future grandkids.

Maybe you love gardening and want to still be doing it at 85.

I actually have an 85-year-old client who still gardens.

I want to be like her.

Not the gardening part. I'd kill all the plants. 😂

But I want to be the person who is still doing things at 85.

Maybe you want to hike when you're 70.

Maybe you want to be that 75-year-old woman everyone looks at and thinks:

Wow. She's strong.

I fully support that goal.

Whatever it is, figure out your version.

What If the Weight Isn't Really What You're Chasing?

Here's where this exercise can get interesting.

You may start with:

I want to lose 30 pounds.

But after asking yourself why a few times, you might realize you're actually chasing something else.

Confidence.

Freedom.

Energy.

Trust around food.

Feeling comfortable in your body.

Not thinking about your weight all day.

That's important information.

Losing weight may be part of getting where you want to go, but we have to be careful about making weight loss responsible for fixing things it can't necessarily fix.

For example:

When I lose the weight, I'll finally feel confident enough to be in pictures.

I'd challenge that one.

Could we work on getting in the pictures now while also working toward your health and weight-loss goals?

Because I don't want you waiting to live your life until your body looks different.

You are allowed to want change without putting your life on hold until you get there.

That's the grace part.

We're not pretending you don't have goals.

We're just not making your worth dependent on achieving them.

Your Why Isn't Magic

Now please don't finish this and think:

Great! I found my why. I'll write it on a Post-it note and be motivated forever!

No. 😂

You're still going to have days when you don't want to work out.

There will still be nights when ordering something sounds much easier than making dinner.

You'll stay up too late sometimes.

Your kids' schedules will blow up your beautifully planned week.

A meaningful reason doesn't make behavior change easy.

Your why isn't magic. It's direction.

It reminds you what you're building when today's choice feels incredibly small.

Because that's what most of taking care of yourself looks like.

It's doing the 20-minute workout.

Taking the walk.

Eating lunch instead of waiting until 4 p.m. when you're starving.

Going to bed instead of watching one more episode.

Picking up a slightly heavier dumbbell because you're trying to get stronger.

None of those choices feels life-changing in the moment.

But they're connected to something bigger.

You Need Your Reason on a Wednesday

You probably don't need your why when you slept eight hours, your schedule is wide open, your cute workout clothes are clean, nobody in your family needs anything from you, and dinner has magically prepared itself.

If that day ever happens, please call me.

I need details. 😂

You need your reason on a random Wednesday.

You're tired.

You planned to work out.

You have 20 minutes.

And your brain says:

Eh. I'll do it tomorrow.

That's when:

Strength training is important for women over 40.

might not mean very much.

But maybe this does:

I want to be strong enough to travel with my husband when we're 70.

Or:

I want my daughter to see me take care of myself without punishing myself.

Or:

I don't want to sit out of my own life because I stopped taking care of my body.

That's personal.

And even then, sometimes you're going to decide that rest is what your body needs.

That's okay.

Your reason isn't something you're supposed to use to guilt yourself into doing things.

It's a compass.

Try This 5-Minute Exercise

Sometime today, give yourself five minutes and start with one question:

What do I want?

Maybe your answer is weight loss. Strength. More energy. Better health. Confidence.

Write down whatever comes to mind first.

Then ask:

Why does that matter to me?

Take that answer and ask yourself again:

Why does THAT matter?

Keep going until you get past the answer you think you're supposed to give and arrive at one that actually feels personal.

You don't need seven journal pages.

You don't need to light a candle.

You don't need to have a spiritual experience. 😂

Just be honest.

Because “I should lose weight” isn't much of a vision.

Neither is “I should strength train.”

Instead, ask:

What do I want losing weight, getting stronger, or improving my health to allow me to do, feel, experience, or keep doing?

That's the answer we're looking for.

Think Bigger Than Taking Up Less Space

I think this becomes especially important in our 40s and beyond.

We're not 20 anymore.

And I don't want the entire goal of taking care of your body to be:

Take up less space.

I want you thinking bigger than that.

What kind of life are you trying to build?

What do you want your body to help you do?

How do you want to feel?

What do you want to still be doing 20, 30, or 40 years from now?

Start there.

Then work backward.

Not from guilt.

Not because somebody on Instagram told you what you're supposed to do.

Not because you have to earn the right to feel good about yourself.

But because your health supports a life you actually care about living.

So instead of asking yourself:

What should I be doing?

Try asking:

Why does doing this matter to me?

And don't stop at your first answer.

Dig a little deeper.

You might be surprised by what you find.